Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
