Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
