I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
