I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
