While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
