and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
