I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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