So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
