im about as happy as oj after his trial
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
