Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
