I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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