Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
