I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
This house was built for laser tag.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Panties = found
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