Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Randomize
