we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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