he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
