sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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