oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
