we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
COCAINE IS GR8
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
