What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
