filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
