dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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