The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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