i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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