They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
