There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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