so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
