i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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