She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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