dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
