i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
