i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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