I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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