you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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