Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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