Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
