i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Are we still banned from the library?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
