I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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