Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
