i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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