he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
