i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
