Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
