I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
