I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
