I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Found your dick twin last night
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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