how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
