Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
