were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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