I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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