i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
