I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
