So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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