I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This is classic penis vs brain.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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