please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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