never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
