I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
