Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
